Friday, October 2, 2015

Raining Tears

Today, while the rains fall heavily
I feel like they are just a reflection
of all the tears I have not shed yet
In my Grief Support Group
I sit beside a woman
really, she is a Viking
a giant, gentle woman from Iceland
her tears move me
and each time she hugs me
in a gentle bear hug
it is an unspoken assurance
that somehow we understand one another
I am grateful for kind people
my new friends from our Turtle nests
those that hugged me without question
when I cried at Nest #30
while 21 babies made it on the rough seas
it gives me hope
that I too can make it on rough seas
maybe even help someone else
who is on a similar journey
I hope for a day when my puzzle pieces
will somehow fit into a pattern I can recognize
all those scars healing

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

New One of Kind pieces

Making some new One of a Kind pieces!

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Fairy Moon

There is suffering in this world
seeking out some joyful corners
where a little light seeps through
last night while sitting the turtle next #30
a gorgeous rainbow encircled the moon
someone in a folded chair
claiming :"It's a Fairy Moon"
it was light enough that it seemed like daylight
no baby turtles yet
this nest, so so close to where Rick Page
tried to help a sea soaked beaver
it is hard for me to go there
and yet it is healing
to see a Fairy Moon
among friends and the crashing of the waves
stars glimmering between the clouds
I push my heavy heart
lifting it to that rainbow around the moon
blow a kiss to the one I love most
I feel a small piece of him return to my heavy heart
Godspeed to those who have loved and lost
we are truly the fortunate ones

Friday, September 11, 2015

God Winks

I got two God Winks yesterday
I taught my pottery class
and the jewelry instructor
left me a glorious silver and gold pin
a turtle
a generous thank you for when I helped
set up her studio
on my way home
my thoughts were for a walk with the dogs
on Ocean Isle Beach
It was windy
the ocean an aggressive green with white caps
I always walk North
avoiding the South walk where Rick Page
stood in the water trying to help a beaver
I surprised myself
walking South and discovered Turtle Nest #30
this will be the last nest of the season
the one I will be watching with the Nest Parents
I looked at the street address
sat in the sand at the foamy waters edge
Moses lay down quietly, Emmie Lou too
Indigo obliviously following a gull into the waves

where we were yesterday
was where I once sat December 28, 2014
The God Wink lies in the turtles
a gift of a silver turtle
and my last nest
where Rick laid his heart to rest
things coming in circles
and not just the tide

Sunday, September 6, 2015


I watch the tide going out
waters becoming more murky
and slowly the clarity is gone
today, this feels like my heart
friends and family rally to support me
it is a challenge on some days
to push forward into these waters
questioning what it is like to pretend
like I am living
I am glad he stole this heart of mine
he pushed in his gentle way
until he was exactly what I needed
I think I see him reflected in the waters
touching the surface again
causes ripples
a small school of transparent fish
scuttle past me
I can see them and see through them
My red paddle board glides on the water
closing my eyes, I hug my knees
breathe deeply and rock gently on the tide

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Wild Horses

Finally got to make something of my own while working on other orders!  Feels good to be creative like this again!

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Breath of Life

My family is here
I have waited almost 8 months
to see them, feel them and know they are within arms reach
today, Cyn on a paddle board and me in Rick's last birthday gift
a sea kayak, paddled and played in a pod of 5 dolphins
and finally, a sea turtle showed its shy self for a moment
"Dolphin" means "breath of life"
some days, I feel I don't have it in me to even take a good breath
today, though, tears streamed my face
salt water to salt water
as I could feel so strongly, his joy, his amazement
and most of all his wonder at the silver grey
of the dolphins
we were far out on the ocean line
and a yellow butterfly appeared out of nowhere
so I knew, as did Cynthia that both Rick and Julie were
with us
giving us the gift of sheer joy
in that moment
I felt connected to everything and anything
and it was like God touching me softly
a reassurance that it is okay to still breathe